Being Quite is Weird

Funny thing about being quiet... you hear a lot more. I think the best thing about keeping quite is the things that you hear... You learn a lot more about people when you listen. Knowledge is power... so so true on so many levels. I'm becoming more and more of a quite person. Maybe not so noticeable to others, but I'm noticing it. Maybe because I'm making a conscious effort to do it. It helps though. I've had a lot of time to think of what kind of person I want to be and who I want to associate with... and I'm very quickly learning about those around me. I almost wish that I had learned this lesson early on in life.

Something to Ponder On

Paul Harvey Writes:

 

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

 

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

 

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

 

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

 

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

 

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

 

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

 

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

 

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

 

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

 

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

 

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

 

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

 

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

 

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukkah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

A time for change.

Its times like now when you really think about who you are in life. I look at my life and the decisions I made that led me to this point. What have I done that has led me to this point in my life? I've been given a good opportunity for change and to start a new direction for my life. Dave and I are going strong and this new house feels like home. Its amazing. I want to start this new year off on the right foot. Get my finances in order, be smarter and take more care. Organize my life so that I know where my priorities lie and in what order. I want to be more active and healthy. I want to be happy. I'm tired of wishing to have a life that others have. I want to be happy with my own. Part of that will be accepting parts of myself, and understanding them a bit better. Guess its time I took a look at what I am and where I am and where and who I wanna be. Then figure out how I wanna get there. I'll get there eventually.

Endings and Beginnings

Today starts the countdown to the end of the year. This is a good time for reflection. I've decided that I don't watch enough of the good movies. I don't know why I don't. Many of them are really funny. I think that is one thing I will do these next two weeks. Compile a list of movies that I have not seen that I want to. Then start off the beginning of the year with a goal to watch them all. Maybe even give a small review of them on here... Maybe use that time to spend with my family and Dave. It would be a good way to spend some quality time together.

 

I'm already imagining living in our new home. To recap everyone, after all that hard work we put into the house, the landlord turned into a scumbag and just caused a mess. So while we are sorting that out we have found a new place. Its super cute. I think I've already said that... but it is. The hard part is actually moving. That is the part that sucks. Thankfully we aren't going very far. Still annoying though. Esp when I have a short turn around today. That's ok though. All good things come to those who wait. I'm excited. It'll be worth it to be out of the mess and not have to deal with the stress and know we don't have to worry all the time.

 

I just want a fresh beginning. New start. Clean air to breath and not worry so much. This new year will be able to give us that. I'm looking forward to it.

 

 

Imagination... Where have you gone?

 

Imagination and free thinking. Carefree play pretend. They seem to leave us as we get older. What a shame. I look at children and remember a time when I loved playing make believe and pretend. Why can't I now? Why do we have to hide that exciting part of us? I feel so embarrassed sometimes when I would just love to fall into my imagination and let it take flight. Give in to my fantasies and release the rest of the world. Only for a little while... what bliss, what joy. Why can't I have that? Create my own world to relive any time that I want.

 

I think its time that I opened myself up and see how rusty my imagination is.

Sometimes you just want a Root Beer

Every so often its good to sit and reflect on where you are at in life. This last weekend was a good reflection time. I was able to go out with friends and I had the best time ever. It was awesome. We went dancing and had an amazing time with what we call "the face". You need to Google that shit. Jenna Marbles "how to avoid talking to people you don't want to talk to". Amazing. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Its kept a smile on my face this week when I needed something to keep me going.

 

I've been looking at my friends, and the different kinds of relationships I have with them. Its weird to see how it grows as we get older. In high school we lived for our friends. No bills to pay, or mortgage to worry about. Just school and having fun. Who was going with who to what prom... Who was dating who. We had our whole lives ahead of us and we lived for our friends. Then as we get older things change. We have jobs. We settle down in relationships and get our own places. Kids pop into the picture and a whole new universe of worry and fear pop into our lives.

 

Life happens. With each new experience we become different people. Have different views, or change our minds. When that happens, friendships will change. Now this change isn't a bad thing. I've had a lot of these situations lately where I felt that my friends aren't the same people as they were and they changed, etc. Which was true, but I was looking at it in the negative sense. Instead I need to look at it in the light of, now since they have been through this I can get to know them all over again and rekindle the friendship. Its the same reason why you have to fight in a relationship. It wakes you up. Makes you appreciate and grow together. Provides that spark.

 

And as I reflect on these things and the friendships I have... I walk to the fridge for a Barq's root beer. Cold, cool, and refreshing. Yep it hits the mark and quenches my thirst. Sometimes, you just want a root beer.

 

Sometimes brushing a Cat makes you feel better.

I'm not gonna lie, I haven't been in the best of places lately. I haven't dealt very well with Star's death. Nope. I think I've been avoiding it. One thing I've noticed is that when I'm avoiding one thing and I shut myself down, I end up blocking a lot of other things as well. I know at 24 years old I should know who I am, and be the person I want to be and headed in the right direction. I shouldn't be looking at myself like I used to back in jr high and high school, analyzing myself and breaking myself down yet again, but here we are.

I'm a pretty open book. Always have been. However I have always felt that there was something missing. Like I was doing something wrong because I wasn't where I felt I was supposed to be. Now I think I'm doing to much. I'm a giver. Like my father. I'll invite a friend into my home if they needed a place to stay. I'll go out of my way to help people because that's what kind of person I am. However it seems that lately I'm getting the raw end and getting walked on. I don't want to change who I am, but maybe I need to take a step back and see who steps forward. My door is always open. I've got 10 different ways for people to get a hold of me. It shouldn't be hard. I don't want to make excuses for people anymore. I'm tired of it. I need to just be me and let others work for my friendship every once in a while... Or at least give them an opportunity to give back. I know things change. And people are constantly changing. I get that. Idk maybe that's me trying to justify it again... I'm just tired of feeling this way, but I don't want to be selfish. Maybe I just need to let some people go?

I know I've said this over and over and over, but I need to look after me. Take care of me for a while. Ugh! Just so frustrating. Its about this time when I'm getting upset once again that Bynx decides to be cute and come cuddle. So I grab his new brush and go at him. Not only does he look amazing, but brushing him is strangely calming. He's so cute. Always manages to pull at my heart strings. Our relationship is so simple. Just pure love. We love spending time together. Cuddling, brushing, petting (lmao), he's just perfect. He cuddles and comforts me when I'm sad. He's funny and cute when I need a pick me up. He's just adorable. How people can't just love cats I'll never know. He's my baby. Making him feel happy and loved makes me happy. If I'm lucky, every once in a while I get a kiss. Love it.
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