Friendships and Relationships and Me

This is a total opinion piece but your welcome to put in your two sense. I had a talk with a friend of mine today that is in a tough spot, and had another talk with another friend where I felt like I had to defend myself. Got me thinking about similar situations that I have had in the past and just remembering how I got to where I am at.

First conversation delt with dealing with people where bridges have been burned. I'm thinking of my friendships with Amanda and Tiffany. I loved them both dearly. Amanda and I still don't talk, and I don't think we ever will again. I don't understand why things ended the way they did. (It was really really messy) and I was sad to loose her as a friend. However I do know that with how things were proceeding at the time, its better that we not be friends. Though I do still sometimes miss her sense of humor and how she could always make me laugh. I've been able to be in the same room as her and at the same parties and we still have a good time. So I'm glad that at least that is able to happen. Tiffany is still an entirely different matter. Her pride got hurt and still I hear about things she'll say about me. As sad as it is, its kind of hard to take her seriously anymore. I do hope that she at least took something positive out of all of it and was able to move forward with her life in a positive direction. I haven't heard anything other than the things she says about me, but then again I haven't bothered to ask either. Again though its probably best we're not friends.

I know that I made some... oh I don't want to say enemies. Lets just say that some people didn't want to bother to see both sides and decided to stick by the other. Which I am ok with. Anytime there is fighting there is a side taken. There were some friends with the whole Amanda fight that were able to keep neutral and I commend them for it. I'm glad I still have them around.

The second thing that happened today came completely out of left field. Though I'm sure this person isn't the only one that feels like this, I'm not going to make excuses for my behavior or why I am acting the way I am. Life has delt me the hand that I have. Granted I am still wanting to be the social butterfly that I always was, but I've been in a different place lately. I haven't been able to go to the events that I want to go to or see the people that I want to go see. Why? Lots of reasons (no that is not an excuse). Life hasn't been all peaches and cream the past while. I've been working like crazy. I won't go into a ton of details about the situation... I know that others have it wayyy worse than what I do. And to be honest, I really don't have it that bad. I have a lot to be thankful for. Do I get to go see and hang out with all my friends? No... not all the time. The Bombers have suffered a lot since I've not been able to dedicate time to it. But that also in itself brings to light other things that I have to take into consideration.

Honestly... and this could just be the hormones talking (I find myself irritated tonight) I think that with the wedding coming up fast, baby on the way, and both Dave and I having solid jobs; I need to really look at the things in my life and the people in my life and see if they are really worth it. Do I have the time? Do I have the engery? I'm tired of spending so much time and energy into things and on people that everyone else gets to enjoy but no one bothers to help with. I've had some friends really come out the woodwork lately and I don't want to take them for granted. But others... Maybe they are better left on facebook. I know that sounds rude, but honestly I'm exhausted. I'm tired of caring what everyone else thinks or what they think I should or should not be doing. I just want to be me. Be who I am without regret, no excuses, no guilt. Doing what I need to do in order to make it through the day. For those that can understand that and be forgiving when its called for, awesome. For those that can't, well then I don't need you in my life.

Things are changing... Really quickly. I'm finding that my priorities have changed. Not a bad thing to be honest. As I'm defining things more I find myself to be a happier Heather. As bad as I feel about saying it and feeling this way, maybe its about time. I want to be happy and I'm tired of the "your not who you used to be" or "your not doing things the right way" or the "you've changed and I don't like it" guilt trips. 

UGH! K done venting... Thanks for listening.

Baby Halloween Outfits.

I got bored and googled baby outfits. These made me laugh.

Lady GAGA

Her face is priceless

I like this Shark better

Lay this next to a campfire for a day make baby smell good! Or pine trees... pine trees are better

Rabbi

Week 15

I think I finally figured out my headache issue. It seems to happen when I don't get enough sleep. I tried Tylenol and it masked the headache, but once the medicine wore off the headache was still there. I'm still way nervous about drinking caffeine or taking any medication. I'm just not wanting to risk it.

This is the week I might get to feel the baby though! I'm super excited for that. Belly is getting bigger which is a relief. I had an odd day on Sunday. Didn't cramp or anything. I felt... normal. Which you would think would be a good thing right? I kinda freaked out lol. It was the first day since I found out that I felt normal. Very very strange.

This weeks baby picture:

Odd day today

Odd day today... I was told that I am very intimidating lol. Not sure what I think of that but I guess I can see it. I always wondered why when I would go out with my friends why I was the only one that would never get hit on. I guess I have that "don't mess with me" vibe. Not sure where it comes from. Maybe mind over matter... IDK just weird.

 

I did get Dave's ring today though :) Its super awesome! I can't wait to show him.

 

I can tell I'm growing. I found a pair of pants that were still loose the past couple days and now they are snug. I have a feeling I'm going to be growing out of them here pretty soon.

Baby registry?

Well I've got it set up to go ring shopping tomorrow. Dave may/may not be able to come with. He's got work stuff to attend to. If not I'll just see what I can do without him lol.

Woke up today with an awesome text that my cousin Kayla finally went into Labor. She was 40 weeks and huge! Thankfully baby finally got the memo and came today.

I also took my first belly picture today. Nothing big but bump is there :) That's what I'm excited about. Now if it will just grow a bit bigger so I can feel it.

Today I had registries on my mind. With my birthday coming up, and the bachelorette party, and the wedding, and then Dave's birthday, then the baby showers... I really don't need anything, but baby does. So I went online to Babies R us and HOLY CRAP!!! Spendy much??? So now that I've started that registry, I'm thinking I'll start one at walmart. Regardless of what it is I'm wanting neutral colors, lots of green and brown. LOTS of Halloween. :)

Then comes the question... in a little while maybe I should open a savings account for baby things. Try and save up so in case we do need something for baby after the minion gets here we have some cash stored away. Plus since I want a ton of Halloween stuff it would be good to get some during the season lol.

Wedding Rings... decisions decisions

 

So I'm getting to a point where I need to start looking for rings. Yes I know there are a TON of other stuff to do.... Karin has amazingly agreed to help me with my cake. Which I am all for, considering I only want a 2 tier brides cake and then cupcakes. Been debating on a grooms cake... that's for another blog.

 

Then we have the engagement pictures. They were already supposed to be done... However... the day we get ready to go take them Bynx, being the little angel that he is, decided to pee on all of Dave's clothes. Ammonia scent anyone? UGH!!!!!!! So for that we're going to wait for Dave to get paid, go buy a new outfit that looks all super sweet and sexy and then hide it like the kids Christmas presents so little demon cannot pee on it. (Good excuse for me to spoil him a little bit too tee hee hee).

 

Dave is still trying to decide on location (yes I am still bugging him on it, but he has had other things to worry about currently). I think he still has to call all his groomsmen too.... Slacker...

 

Anywho... So as I'm doing that and we are still working on paying for my dress my next goal is to worry about the wedding rings. First off... Where do I go? Dave got my ring at Morgan Jewelers. We got a special promotion in the mail for Thursday so I just might ask him to take me there so we can get 60% off :).

 

First I'm looking at design. We've never been big lavish people. Dave is a hard worker and he uses his hands a lot. So I'm thinking simple but nice at the same time. For mine... I don't want a ring that will snag on my clothes. I do like the idea of incorporating my engagement ring though. So I'm thinking a cute band with some pretty sparklies in it. Dave picked Ruby's so I can always stick with those, diamonds are good too. Then just weld them together to make one ring and get some good cleaning stuff for it. I love this ring he got me and it means a lot because its from him all on his own. So I'm thinking that is the way to go... hmmm..... decisions decisions.

Week 13 - 14

Last week of the First Trimester!!! BOO YAA!!!! lol I Made it! I/3 down 2 more to go... bah!

 

The minion is 3.5 inches long and weighs about an ounce. Minion can now taste and smell (thank god now maybe I'll finally want to eat things). And apparently is a dance-o-holic but I can't feel him yet. I'm told that can happen any day now.

 

I've been asking other women around me when they first felt movements and a lot of them said right around 15 weeks only a few have said later. So I'm just super excited. I can't wait to feel tiny move!

 

It is starting to set in. I've got a little bit of a baby bump. There are a few people that just love to rub it lol. Also starting to stress a little. Lots we still need to start planning on that when I think about it all it can get overwhelming. I know we'll be ok though. Dave's working really hard and doing all that he can to help get things going. I just need to start to do lists.

 

Cleaning is always a good way to keep me busy. Our dryer is starting to go out, so we'll need to get a new one soon. One day at a time... one thing at a time. Oi!

Easter Sunday musings...

Easter... Colored eggs, Easter egg hunts, family. Lots of memories. I remember going to Uncle Wayne's house every year, on the Saturday before Easter, to have a Yeoman family BBQ and the egg hunt. Little kids always got to go first, with the money eggs out front and the $20 egg with a clue that could be anywhere. $20 was a lot of money lol. Lighting fireworks in the street at the end of the night. Awesome way to spend a Saturday. The long drive home that usually ended with us passing out in the car to wake up the next morning searching the house to find our Easter baskets.

 

Ah the Easter baskets. Plush bunnies with our names painted by mom on the handle. Then later wicker baskets that we got to decorate ourselves. My lid was green with a lamb on it, for Nacho. They could be hidden anywhere! Helping the boys find the baskets and trying to wait for mom to wake up lol. Then there was church in sometimes our new Easter dresses, or just our regular clothes. (Hey you have 6 kids to buy Easter gifts for and see how much money you have left for clothes.) Church followed by going to Grandma Rudy's house or Aunt Brenda's house for that egg hunt with all the Stahle cousins. Easter.

 

Now we're all grown up and have or are having kids of our own. All going different ways in life moving towards different goals. Makes me wonder what Easter traditions do I want to start with our kids? We did an Easter Egg hunt 2 years ago and that was fun. I want to continue that with Brad and Gabby and Aspen and Bobby. Then with Blake and my minion coming a long, what traditions do we want to start doing with my mom's family?

Being Pregnant is weird

Its still really surreal when I think that there is a small little one growing inside of me. It hasn't hit me yet. I get a lot of cramps and uncomfortable moments. It feels like an itch that I can't scratch. I like to believe its my small one moving around in there, but because its still to tiny for my body to recognize what it is yet, all it feels like is an itch.

 

The little I have seen of my nephew I love him more and more and seeing the changes that have happened with my sister just blows my mind. I know I'm going to be just as bad. And its not a bad thing! This was the one experience of my life that I've always wanted. Even if I only get it once, that is ok with me. At least I can say that I have done it. That's what makes me happy.

 

I'm thankful that my body was strong enough, after years of being on the depo, to get pregnant after only a few months. Much better than never having one at all.

 

I found a blog today on adoption and birth mom's and it made me think of my friend Christy and all the pain I've seen her go through with not just her adoption, and the feelings of trying to find her birth mom, but also dealing with the feelings of giving up her first born to adoption. And though I am thankful the practice is in place, helping so many children get into loving homes and giving people second chances, I am so thankful that I have Dave. I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about that knowing that I am bringing this child into a loving family with a father that is strong and loving. I love seeing him smile at my tummy all the time and how everything I do now is a concern because I'm growing a small one. I've playfully dubbed it his "minion". He just smiles. I love it.

 

I don't expect this to go smoothly, or easy. I know that our struggles have just begun, but if we are smart about it I have no worries that we will make it work. There is still so much to talk about and how we raise a child. I come from a very LDS family, and Dave isn't that religious at all. I do believe that it is important that there be some kind of religion in the home though. I personally believe that every person should be able to decide for him/herself what religion to be baptized in. I've been attending Calvary Chapel and I've loved every minute of it. I even have a church buddy in my dear friend Amanda. Its really been nice going and I have noticed that life gets better when I go. Sign from above? Maybe. I'm not willing to tempt fate any longer though so I'm going.

 

There is so much changing in my life and with everything that has happened since October my eyes have really been opened to some things that I don't think I really saw clearly. None of this is bad though. I've still got a ways to go, but honestly what is most important is my man, my little minion, and what we are trying to build. Its not easy but honestly, everything else has to take a back burner. I now understand some people a lot more. Which is something I don't think I could ever really understand until I got the minion. I'm excited to start renovating our lives to a point though and start building on what I would want our family to be. I know with Dave by my side I can do it all. I'm pretty excited about that.

Family, Neices, Nephews, and baby!

I've always wanted to be closer to my family and mend some holes that are there. That really started when Karin married Ben. Best brother in law I could have ever hoped for. He is amazing. Thanks to them I now have the most amazing nephew ever! I want to be a good aunt and be closer to my sisters and brothers. I know part of that is hard because I live a ways away and, lets face it, my neighborhood isn't the best in the world. At this point we also have limited gas and one car so that doesn't help either. However, I am trying to take every opportunity to go see him and though he's still so little, I don't want to miss anything!

Cousin Crystal makes a good cuddler

Playing a game with Mom.

Blake's already dug his way into my heart and I just love him to bits and pieces. Its the most amazing thing to be an aunt. Its brought up a lot of talks with Dave too, and we've been talking about his sisters kids, Aspen and Bobby. It meant the world to him when Bobby recognized him and ran up to him yelling his name.

Just brings up thoughts of how fast kids grow and how if you don't stay close you miss out on all the good things. That is something we are going to be working on as well with Gabby and Brad. I want them to be more involved. They love coming to our house, and with Dave working that means I don't have to work so much so I can spend more time with them. Plus with new baby coming I want them to be just as included as they can be. We've already missed so much with them because we don't get to see them. I know that Dave is working on that and we'll get it taken care of slowly but surely.

I had my second appointment on the 3rd. I met my doctor, who is a super nice lady. We listened to the heartbeat, still strong and healthy. I did find out that the lab had lost 4 vials of my blood. The place that drew my blood sent all 5 vials and they only got 1 back. Frustrating. So I have to watch for a bill and make sure I'm not billed for any of it. Next appointment is in May and I'll listen to the heart beat again and get more blood drawn. Ugh. But its for good tests to make sure baby is healthy. So I will deal. Then the first week of June I find out what baby is!!! We're scheduling the Ultrasound the same day as the appt so we can get it all taken care of. I'm excited and Dave is going with me to see what it is! I thought we had names picked out but now a couple other names have surfaced so... we'll see what we get. Its like a present I just can't wait to open. Dang being patient.

The Dress

Well the first thing I was worried about is the dress. We're on a tight budget so this needed to get going first thing.

 

I went with my friend Kat, my mom and Tazia to David's Bridal. My friend Britnee was kind enough to come in on her day off to help me try on dresses. We found a couple that we liked, but one really stood out. So I went home that day to talk to Dave about it, and went back in the next day to order it. Found out that the dress had been ordered by someone else and left the warehouse. So I was back to square one. Luckily Britnee came to my rescue and found the most perfect dress at the same cost and I got it on sale!

 

I had to try on the Temple version with sleeves, because that was the only one they had in the store, but I'm getting the sleeveless one and we are going to add on straps to go over my shoulders. It has roses and beads embroidered around the empire waist and down the back of the dress.

 

 

 

Surprises!!! and ENGAGED!!!!

 

 

The other day we had in visitors from California that we haven't seen in years. It was so good to see them. That Monday night I got home from work and Dave and I had the most amazing wonderful talk that ended up with us deciding that there was no need to wait any longer for us to get married.

 

We really have no idea why we were waiting so long. So July 13 2012 will be the day and I am so so excited. My anniversary ring turned into an Engagement ring. :) I am perfectly ok with that. I will keep everyone updated on the going's on with the wedding planning!

 

 

WHAT??? MORE BABIES????

 

To start off on a happy note. I found out on Feb 12 that I am pregnant. Crazy and surreal I know. It still doesn't feel real. I went in for my first appointment on March 13 and I got to hear the heartbeat. Which was amazingly cool.

 

So far I'm not having any out there cravings, but I don't like any drinks with caffeine. I tried sipping on them and they are gross. So water and juice for me Yeah! Rootbeer and sprite are about all I can do. That's ok though. I'm eating better and eating at home more which is not just making a big difference in both Dave and I's health but the pocketbook is loving it to! No complaints there. Yes I do miss the take out food, I've been craving Cafe Rio like crazy, but I will live without it.

 

I will keep you posted on upcoming news about baby :)