Sometimes brushing a Cat makes you feel better.

I'm not gonna lie, I haven't been in the best of places lately. I haven't dealt very well with Star's death. Nope. I think I've been avoiding it. One thing I've noticed is that when I'm avoiding one thing and I shut myself down, I end up blocking a lot of other things as well. I know at 24 years old I should know who I am, and be the person I want to be and headed in the right direction. I shouldn't be looking at myself like I used to back in jr high and high school, analyzing myself and breaking myself down yet again, but here we are.

I'm a pretty open book. Always have been. However I have always felt that there was something missing. Like I was doing something wrong because I wasn't where I felt I was supposed to be. Now I think I'm doing to much. I'm a giver. Like my father. I'll invite a friend into my home if they needed a place to stay. I'll go out of my way to help people because that's what kind of person I am. However it seems that lately I'm getting the raw end and getting walked on. I don't want to change who I am, but maybe I need to take a step back and see who steps forward. My door is always open. I've got 10 different ways for people to get a hold of me. It shouldn't be hard. I don't want to make excuses for people anymore. I'm tired of it. I need to just be me and let others work for my friendship every once in a while... Or at least give them an opportunity to give back. I know things change. And people are constantly changing. I get that. Idk maybe that's me trying to justify it again... I'm just tired of feeling this way, but I don't want to be selfish. Maybe I just need to let some people go?

I know I've said this over and over and over, but I need to look after me. Take care of me for a while. Ugh! Just so frustrating. Its about this time when I'm getting upset once again that Bynx decides to be cute and come cuddle. So I grab his new brush and go at him. Not only does he look amazing, but brushing him is strangely calming. He's so cute. Always manages to pull at my heart strings. Our relationship is so simple. Just pure love. We love spending time together. Cuddling, brushing, petting (lmao), he's just perfect. He cuddles and comforts me when I'm sad. He's funny and cute when I need a pick me up. He's just adorable. How people can't just love cats I'll never know. He's my baby. Making him feel happy and loved makes me happy. If I'm lucky, every once in a while I get a kiss. Love it.
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