My Little Woman

Who knew that it would hurt this much… I miss her so much! It’s hard to not have her to cuddle with and to love on. It hurts.  Though she was only with us 22 months her life was awesome. Here are some of the pictures I have of her.

Right after we brought her home

That night, my little piddle poo

She was tired. Took a nap with Daddy

Playing with Brother

Her cute little collar - pink camo

The first time Butch cuddled with her

She was so confused. Had no idea how he got in there.

My big girl growing up

Taking a nap

Cuddling with Mom

She hid there for hours. I couldn't find her.. she just slept

Playing with mom.. such a cuddle bug

Laying on mom

Relaxing in her corner

All grown up - but sick.

Playing outside with Dad one more time...

She was cold so Butch cuddled her

He took good care of her.

All grown up in her corner.

Cuddling with mom

Kisses for my Baby Girl

relaxing on the cool floor

Bynx loving her

Big girl with mom

One last picture with Dad

I bought these to go around her grave. They mean "I'm sorry Please forgive me."

RIP STAR Nov 16 2009 - Sept 16 2011

Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.

Love you

Camping... Rethinking our motives.

So we decided since the motor home was finally registered and legal we wanted to go camping this weekend. Originally we were supposed to go to Fairfield to spend time with Dave's family, but as his parents are filing for bankruptcy they weren't going. Which meant we weren't either. So Dave found us a place to camp up at Smith and Moorehouse, by Kamus. Its an awesome camp spot. And its free which makes it better.

I made a rule last time we went camping that I am going up with rather than come up later. Ya right. I had to work so I had to come up this morning rather than yesterday. Ya I got lost. AGAIN. And AGAIN Star puked all over my car. Grrrrrrrrrr..... Not happy. I'm irritated.

Finally find the spot and people who weren't invited just showed up were here, wanting to use our stuff and left a mess. Finally got everyone up here and all I've done is babysit dogs. Everyone brought their dogs so fighting with Butch cause he doesn't like other males and Star just wants to go everyone and jump up on them.... Ugh annoying.

I'm tired now. Of course part of that could be I got up at 9. I don't know why I'm so annoyed though. I wanted this weekend to be nice and relaxing and its been anything but thus far. Frustrating. Poor Dave is trying so hard to make sure I have a good time I wish I was.

Some people are just not made for camping. Flip flops, make up, hair dryers..... Really? Your going camping be practical. People annoy me.... I think next time we go camping its just me, Dave, and the dogs. I'd be happy with that.

Half the point of coming up here was to go fishing...Casey caught 2 with a small hook, string, and a beer can. Then they went night fishing didn't get any. Tried again in the morning and a log gave way and Dave cut his finger, wrist, and leg up. Goodness. So they got back around 2. Amelia and mike left to go play at Rockport and we were going to walk the river but there is no way Butch could've made it so instead we came home and had steaks.

I wish I got my relaxing weekend. I feel like I didn't get any time with Dave. I did surprise him with his birthday present early and he loved it! I got him a fishing vest with his name on it. :) He loves it so much which made me happy.

I will say that I love the city Oakley and Kamus. They are beautiful! So next weekend I want to take the kids up to see the devil's slide and go fishing/swimming up there. I want pictures of the cemetery. There are some beautiful homes and farms as well.

Birthday Weekend

I made a goal that this weekend would be one of goal setting and reflection. I can't decide if I want to get braces and fix my teeth or if I want to get back into school. I think I'll have to start with seeing if I'll even be able to get into school. I need to get up to Weber and see what my chances are and go from there. I'd love to get back into school, but I'm not sure what I need to do to get in there. 

My body is something that is very important to me. I'm going to start walking up and down stairs with weights on my feet to start helping get rid of my belly. I want to have my body back and that is something I have always said but have done very little. I do have a very hyper dog, what other excuse do I need? 

I did finally clean my car out. Spent some time with it making sure I got as much hair as I could and all the dirt. Threw away all the garbage and vacuumed it out. I then got as much dirt as I could off the hard surfaces with green apple fabuloso. It smells nice in there now and looks a million times better. I also got all the laundry done today. Clean clothes galore! We don't have enough hangers for them all. 

For Mother's Day we woke up with Brad sick. He threw up all over the floor and in the bathroom and got several bloody noses. I don't understand why they are always sick! I invested in lysol and we spray their toys and room and all the doors down both before and after they are here. We make them blow their noses and take medicine and wash their hands and they usually feel better. It just isn't that hard. So we cleaned him up and I went to Jen's house while Dave stayed home and cleaned the yard and house up. 

Grandma Rudy had come up from mesquite. Her husband has always been a little off. Its awkward when he's around. Great Grandma asked who I was (she's 90 so its ok) and I said I'm Heather, Les's Heather, and Bob (my grandma's husband) was all "well technically your Elise's heather" so I said no I'm Les's Heather for all intents of purpose. And he mumbled something. K I know I'm at odds with Les but Great Grandma doesn't need to know that. She's 90... If that is how she remembers me then hoopde do.... good hell. He's weird. But anywho, I got to spend some time with my cousins and Tazia and James and Curtis came so I got to see them and that is what I wanted. Brettney even came. I haven't seen her in forever. 

So after that I came home and we went to Smith's got dinner and the carpet cleaner. I need to just get one, $50 a pop I could've owned one by now. I'll have to check into that new Bissell. Or that little Green one. I liked those, or at least from what they show on TV. We moved all the furniture out of the living room and vacuumed the house then cleaned the living room and the kids room. So all the pee fromthe dogs, cat throw up, kid throw up, and who knows what all else finally got picked up and taken care of. So after the cleaning our house smells soooo much better. 

The wind is really picking up today. It opened the garage door outside and it sounded like someone was out there, so I made Star go out with me to lock it up. I just love her. She's getting so big!! I still need to give her a bath though. 

Monday, Dave came home early and gave me my present early. Reebok EZ tone shoes :) I love them!!

I went with Dad to see Clash of the Titans, and what a good show. I really enjoyed it. Then I got home just in time to feed Dave then out the door for the Paramore concert. It was actually pretty decent, and I had fun with everyone. Mom gave me some pretty blue shirts with a pretty necklace :).

Misty had gone to California over the weekend and brought me back some presents. :)

And today was all about me for me. My Sarah Foo shaded the other half of my arm and I went home to find Dave had gotten me the prettiest flowers and the most awesomest card. Then his parents brought me a windchime, its so beautiful. It was a fantastic weekend.     

These flowers are my favorite.

SPRING!!!!!

Ah..... Spring. This was a wonderful weekend.

Christy had her birthday party at the bar Downunder. Miss Miss and Russ were there, and other than Justin, I really didn't know anyone there. Christy had fun and liked her present so that's what matters.

Sunday I went to lunch with Miss Miss and Russ and my Cera Foo. :0) We went to the Olive Garden. That was nice to sit down and relax. We planned that next Sunday to get my line work done on my tattoo so very exciting.

Also I'm going to be getting my hair done. Going red with blonde on top. Aunt Julie is going to get it for me. Hopefully we'll do it on April 10th. I'm looking forward to it. I nee a change. The nice thing is that if i end up not liking it red fades fast and we can get rid of it :). I think I'll enjoy it though.

Spent the afternoon in the back yard. Started with noticing that Butch has not left Star's foot alone in days so I had Dave check on it and he found this cut in the webbing between her toes and it smelled horrid. We think it might be infected. So we put neosporin on it and stuck her foot in a sock so that hopefully it'll heal quickly. I don't know what she cut it on, but I wanted to find out. So we went into the back yard and I found a ton of sharp things. A CD case, soda cans, batteries, pieces of metal, etc. We think that she's been playing in that pile of junk behind the garage and cut herself on something there. So I went crazy for a bit and picked up all the garbage I could find, then I grabbed the pooper scooper and went to town.

 It was oddly calming picking it all up. Once I was sure I got it all I graabbed a rake and picked up all the cut branches that the city left for us, how nice of them, and put them in the huge pile. Then I tok the rake to the yard and got as much of the dead leaves and debris into that pile. So now we're going to bag and dump the pile at the dump and then use the bigger wood pieces as firewood for BBQ's or camping. 

It was such a nice day. The kids got to get out and play in the sun, something they almost never get to do, and they had fun before going home. 

Spring is a time for new begininngs. I'm not really happy with all of the things that have been brought our way this year, but life will turn around. There is an unknown reason why these things are happening and I know that the lessons we learn will be needed later on in Life. May the God and Goddess help me keep my strength, give me patience, and keep my resolve from waivering. 

Like I told Dave, no matter how hard things are going to get I will never leave his side. I love him with all my heart and soul and he is the most amazing man I've ever met. Bless our home and keep it positive and calm. Help keep the stress out and keep our minds level so that we can do what we need to do to make it through this time.  

Busy way to start a year.

Wow, crazy first few days for this new year. Monday I took Star to the vet to finally get all of her shots. Thankfully that's done with. Now its just deciding if we are going to get her fixed or not. It could cost between $200-$300 to get it done. We could go cheap and get the microchip done later, but my thing is that when I took Bynx to get it, it hurt him really bad and I don't think I could watch that again... better to have it when she's knocked out and can't feel it.

Star has this split personality it seems. When I'm home she is well behaved and loving and plays, and she listens to me. When Dave is home she pees in the house chews on things and just frustrates him. Just this last 2 days she chewed Dave's 2 pairs of shoes and got into his lincoln logs. I think she is bored. She has a ton of energy and Butch is old, so he can only do so much. So we're going to get a Kennel to keep her in if we decide to leave her in the house and we are going to finish the half shed that our ex-roomate started so that she has an outside one too. We have to check the fence and fix the few holes in it so that we can leave her out there. That would be much better than keeping her cooped up in the house all day. She's made friends with the dogs behind the house they play through the fence. Plus as she gets bigger her husky coat is going to get thicker and being outside at night or in winter would feel better to her, and staying inside during the summer. Plus in the summer we can take her to parks and she can run around there. Get her exercise. 

I had 2 days at court this week. First was a hearing for Dad to try and get disability. I think it went well. The judge was nice and the information given was very informative. I honestly wish I could've asked questions to better understand what all the Medical expert was saying, but I understood for the most part. We have up to 90 days to get a verdict. The judge wanted to go over all the evidence and testimony again before making a decision. Smart guy. I like that he does that so that the people that do get it deserve it and it gives him an opportunity to weed out people that are trying to live off the system. It does suck that it takes so long, but what are you gonna do? Gotta take the good with the bad. So we'll see how that goes. 

The second was for this accident I witnessed. I was headed to work on a friday and saw a semi merge into this lane and cause this girl to crash. It turns out that her dad works for CR England too! lol Small world, and I got up and told the judge strictly what I saw and heard and nothing more. None of my opinions or speculations just facts. The driver and highway patrolman didn't show. So the judge ruled that she had not done what she had been cited with and dismissed the ticket. Lucky for the girl her insurance also ruled her not at fault. I guess the driver wouldn't give them a statement and just a few things weren't adding up. So she got off easy. 

Dave's been working as hard as ever. Had another car break, but this time its going to cost $4000 to fix. Crazy. I don't understand how these guys at his work can't just follow protocol. Dave's rules are that if anything happens to a car you write an incident report and file a police report so that he has something to give to the insurance company to file a claim with. Well this didn't happen and because it didn't he has to figure out $4000 for repairs instead of handing a police report over to the insurance company and paying $500. Stupid in my opinion. It amazes me how people just don't take care of themselves and file these reports. It doesn't take that long to do so.

So my next thing is Dave's and I's anniversary. 2 years.... Crazy how time flies. We'll have had Butch for 2 years and he's almost 4 years old now. Bynx is 3 years old... Crazy how much time has gone by. I am pleased to say that Dave and mine's relationship is so much stronger now and I'm pleased with how things are proceeding. I'm so excited for the day I can say I'm his wife. What an honor that will be. He is seriously the most unselfish - self giving man I know. I try and spoil him as much as I can. It astounds me when I hear how he was treated with Shannon and her family, and how much he has changed since then. He finally knows that he is an amazing dad, and that his kids love him and that his opinion matters and what he feels matters. He's an equal part in this and he's happy. He finally opened up about it a bit and it really opened my eyes. Brought a lot of understanding with it as well. I'm so thankful that he is at a place of healing that he can share that with me. He really doesn't know how amazing he is. I have no idea what we're going to do for our anniversary. Money is tight so we're limited with what we can do. I'm hoping to come up with some money to take him to dinner. Or maybe we'll just go to wendover and use the present dad gave us. Dave can get ribs and I can get my prime rib. Each take $20 to play the penny slots lol free drinks while we play. One night away would be ok... But with the issues we've been having with Star I'm not sure if that would be ok. Maybe Tazia would come and watch them... could happen. I'll have to ask.   

Trying to take my own advice

I'm usually such a happy person and I'm always telling my friends to just keep their chin up, that everything will be ok. Now I know how they feel. I've been trying to keep my chin up, but lately just feel like freaking out.

Of course its due to financial struggles. I know that if I can just keep my focus and stick to the course I will get everything taken care of. I know that I just need to keep my cool, not freak out and remember that it could always be worse. It's all about keeping my head on straight. Makeing the right decisions and keep on top of things.

I cannot wait until the day when I don't have all these bills and I don't have to constatnly worry. I do know how far I have come and remember how I felt back then when I had more on my shoulders and I just have to remember that I have come this far, I can go further. Only this time I have Dave with me. Thank the stars for him. I don't know what I would do without him.

We had the kids over this weekend. Thankfully they are feeling better. Gabby discovered my vampire books so she spent time looking at them. I'm looking forward to getting her a bookshelf she can have of her own. I figure it'll be a christmas present when she gets 10 or 11, or when they move in here. There are lots of things I'm looking forward to doing when they finally move in with us. Things they can learn, actually making big meals for them to eat during the week, stuff I want to teach them etc. I know though that I should appreciate the time they spend with their mom. I know that if we got them right now that would not be a good thing financially right now. However the day will come and we will make it work. Those kids are worth it completely.

I guess my biggest struggle and worry is what they are being told when they aren't here. Its hard being a stepmom when you have almost no control on that kinda stuff. I encorage them to have a good relationship with their mom, but in doing that anything they are told by her they imediately beleive regardless of what it is. Kinda a double edged sword on that one.

On a more happier note, Star is getting HUGE! She is definatley one happy healthy puppy. I took her in for her second set of shots and she was so well behaved I was impressed. She weighs 12 lbs at 3 months and is looking really healthy. She is getting tall too. Twice as tall and she's getting better at telling us when she needs to go outside. Dave cleaned the carpets on Saturday and doesn't seem to have made a difference to her. I think the house looks great and the carpets needed it, but she still has had accidents. Guess she's a stubborn one. That and she's been faking it just to get outside. I wait until she has done it for sure before I bring her in. I know the snow has been helping to make sure she's going. I don't buy into her little acting and I wait until she has gone outside before I bring her in. The one thing we've been trying to do is during the day once she goes potty we stay outside and play and at night once she's gone we come back inside. Its experimental so we'll see how that goes. For now its mostly just keeping an eye on her making sure she goes outside instead of inside.

The kids are getting used to her but she's growing faster than they are! lol They have been asking questions about why I say certain things. Like I say "No biting" or "No Barking" or "down". They just say "no". So we had a talk about why its important to say what she is doing so she knows not to do it again. Just like when she piddles in the house she gets put in the kennel. She doesn't like the kennel so she associates the bad action with something she doesn't like.

I've been reading more into husky's and boxer's. She is stubborn with lots of energy, and teething. Sigh... I'm trying to instill in her some good behaviors and the best time is to start now! She really is a sweetheart though. Slowly working her way into everyone's hearts, even Bynx.