So this weekend was full of emotions. I feel like I'm getting depressed and I want to cry. But I can't. I have to remain strong and remember that the universe will reward me for it. I know there is still a lot of hard work a head and my patience will be tried.
I don't understand why all this is happening when I have done nothing to deserve it, but its an answered question. He is worth it all and I choose this hardship to be with him. Just hurts that my life and things that I want have to be placed on hold. All I can pray for is that all I want will come to me eventually. Until then patience and understanding is all I can do.
Guess I'll be praying a lot.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The first day of the rest of my life.
I am having the best day. I don't know why but I woke up just in a good mood. It could due to the fact I slept all day yesterday and actually got good sleep. Whatever the reason I just feel good, motivated, and in a loving mood.
Keyword:TIME MANAGEMENT. I need to learn and practice it. I spent the weekend working, as usual, except Saturday. Saturday I spent sleeping and with Dave. We had food and brownies and watched a movie and then today I got some seriously needed cuddle time. It seriously was needed badly and I loved it. Granted it wasn't very long but it was perfect. Made for an excellent start for the day. Yes, I didn't get to see any of my girls, but I needed the time with Dave and I know they understand.
So I decided that I need to figure out my calendar a bit better. Its why I bought one after all. So my plan for the time management is for my girls that I need to see (you know who you are) I can plan girls nights with. However, I will need to do them on weekends that we don't have the kids, or whatever we're planning will need to be after they go to bed. Or for my girls that I can do lunches with we can plan them in the mornings and I'll jsut wake up earlier. Then I'll also plan them around my time with Dave. We're going to take every minute we can get. So that may mean I'm waking up earlier or staying up a bit longer.
As for me. I started today getting the tattoo that I have been waiting for months to get, and let me tell you it was all worth it. Sarah knew exactly what I was needing. Its a Goddess symbol where the moons on the side have been interwined into a Celtic knot.
The woman herself, represents the Goddess, a strong, powerful woman. The Spiral inside of her means healing.
The moons, if you look closely are different. They represent the different sides of a situation.
Then on both sides, framing the rose they end in a heart. Meaning that no matter what way you choose the end should end in love, or good karma.
Keyword:TIME MANAGEMENT. I need to learn and practice it. I spent the weekend working, as usual, except Saturday. Saturday I spent sleeping and with Dave. We had food and brownies and watched a movie and then today I got some seriously needed cuddle time. It seriously was needed badly and I loved it. Granted it wasn't very long but it was perfect. Made for an excellent start for the day. Yes, I didn't get to see any of my girls, but I needed the time with Dave and I know they understand.
So I decided that I need to figure out my calendar a bit better. Its why I bought one after all. So my plan for the time management is for my girls that I need to see (you know who you are) I can plan girls nights with. However, I will need to do them on weekends that we don't have the kids, or whatever we're planning will need to be after they go to bed. Or for my girls that I can do lunches with we can plan them in the mornings and I'll jsut wake up earlier. Then I'll also plan them around my time with Dave. We're going to take every minute we can get. So that may mean I'm waking up earlier or staying up a bit longer.
As for me. I started today getting the tattoo that I have been waiting for months to get, and let me tell you it was all worth it. Sarah knew exactly what I was needing. Its a Goddess symbol where the moons on the side have been interwined into a Celtic knot.
The woman herself, represents the Goddess, a strong, powerful woman. The Spiral inside of her means healing.
The moons, if you look closely are different. They represent the different sides of a situation.
Then on both sides, framing the rose they end in a heart. Meaning that no matter what way you choose the end should end in love, or good karma.
This is to always remind me that I need to keep positive and do what I think is right. No matter who or what the circumstance. We're going to make it look like stone. This is just the outline. Its going to look amazing when its done. I couldn't be happier with it. Sarah got it right on the money.
I always want to have good karma in my life. Life is to short to waste it on drama and negative things. I'd rather focus on life with Dave and the kids making every moment count. They are my life and the people I've been close with are so amazing and I am so blessed to have them around me.
I do want to improve on myself though. I'm getting my hair done really pretty and I need to continue to work out. I need to start studing my German. Its really important to me to learn it. It my family language and I want to teach my kids how to speak it. I need to start a schedule to keep it going. Dedicate time and effort to it.
I am looking forward to this next year though. As long as Dave and I continue to budget as we have been I should hopefully be able to return to school and get a law degree. Once I have that I am hoping to get on here at England so that I don't have to change jobs just different departments.
Life is just looking good to me today and I am so looking forward to the future.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
SPRING!!!!!
Ah..... Spring. This was a wonderful weekend.
Christy had her birthday party at the bar Downunder. Miss Miss and Russ were there, and other than Justin, I really didn't know anyone there. Christy had fun and liked her present so that's what matters.
Sunday I went to lunch with Miss Miss and Russ and my Cera Foo. :0) We went to the Olive Garden. That was nice to sit down and relax. We planned that next Sunday to get my line work done on my tattoo so very exciting.
Also I'm going to be getting my hair done. Going red with blonde on top. Aunt Julie is going to get it for me. Hopefully we'll do it on April 10th. I'm looking forward to it. I nee a change. The nice thing is that if i end up not liking it red fades fast and we can get rid of it :). I think I'll enjoy it though.
Spent the afternoon in the back yard. Started with noticing that Butch has not left Star's foot alone in days so I had Dave check on it and he found this cut in the webbing between her toes and it smelled horrid. We think it might be infected. So we put neosporin on it and stuck her foot in a sock so that hopefully it'll heal quickly. I don't know what she cut it on, but I wanted to find out. So we went into the back yard and I found a ton of sharp things. A CD case, soda cans, batteries, pieces of metal, etc. We think that she's been playing in that pile of junk behind the garage and cut herself on something there. So I went crazy for a bit and picked up all the garbage I could find, then I grabbed the pooper scooper and went to town.
It was oddly calming picking it all up. Once I was sure I got it all I graabbed a rake and picked up all the cut branches that the city left for us, how nice of them, and put them in the huge pile. Then I tok the rake to the yard and got as much of the dead leaves and debris into that pile. So now we're going to bag and dump the pile at the dump and then use the bigger wood pieces as firewood for BBQ's or camping.
It was such a nice day. The kids got to get out and play in the sun, something they almost never get to do, and they had fun before going home.
Spring is a time for new begininngs. I'm not really happy with all of the things that have been brought our way this year, but life will turn around. There is an unknown reason why these things are happening and I know that the lessons we learn will be needed later on in Life. May the God and Goddess help me keep my strength, give me patience, and keep my resolve from waivering.
Like I told Dave, no matter how hard things are going to get I will never leave his side. I love him with all my heart and soul and he is the most amazing man I've ever met. Bless our home and keep it positive and calm. Help keep the stress out and keep our minds level so that we can do what we need to do to make it through this time.
Christy had her birthday party at the bar Downunder. Miss Miss and Russ were there, and other than Justin, I really didn't know anyone there. Christy had fun and liked her present so that's what matters.
Sunday I went to lunch with Miss Miss and Russ and my Cera Foo. :0) We went to the Olive Garden. That was nice to sit down and relax. We planned that next Sunday to get my line work done on my tattoo so very exciting.
Also I'm going to be getting my hair done. Going red with blonde on top. Aunt Julie is going to get it for me. Hopefully we'll do it on April 10th. I'm looking forward to it. I nee a change. The nice thing is that if i end up not liking it red fades fast and we can get rid of it :). I think I'll enjoy it though.
Spent the afternoon in the back yard. Started with noticing that Butch has not left Star's foot alone in days so I had Dave check on it and he found this cut in the webbing between her toes and it smelled horrid. We think it might be infected. So we put neosporin on it and stuck her foot in a sock so that hopefully it'll heal quickly. I don't know what she cut it on, but I wanted to find out. So we went into the back yard and I found a ton of sharp things. A CD case, soda cans, batteries, pieces of metal, etc. We think that she's been playing in that pile of junk behind the garage and cut herself on something there. So I went crazy for a bit and picked up all the garbage I could find, then I grabbed the pooper scooper and went to town.
It was oddly calming picking it all up. Once I was sure I got it all I graabbed a rake and picked up all the cut branches that the city left for us, how nice of them, and put them in the huge pile. Then I tok the rake to the yard and got as much of the dead leaves and debris into that pile. So now we're going to bag and dump the pile at the dump and then use the bigger wood pieces as firewood for BBQ's or camping.
It was such a nice day. The kids got to get out and play in the sun, something they almost never get to do, and they had fun before going home.
Spring is a time for new begininngs. I'm not really happy with all of the things that have been brought our way this year, but life will turn around. There is an unknown reason why these things are happening and I know that the lessons we learn will be needed later on in Life. May the God and Goddess help me keep my strength, give me patience, and keep my resolve from waivering.
Like I told Dave, no matter how hard things are going to get I will never leave his side. I love him with all my heart and soul and he is the most amazing man I've ever met. Bless our home and keep it positive and calm. Help keep the stress out and keep our minds level so that we can do what we need to do to make it through this time.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Green! Green! Green!
Happy Saint Patricks day! The day of the Irish! Whoot Whoot! Today was an amazing day, I so got all dressed up and festive.
I so slept in past both my alarms, which sucked, but I think my body is just exhausted. But I got up and dressed up anyways. Miss Miss and I went with her mom to see Alice and Wonderland 3D. It was so good. I loved it and will definately see it again.
Then we went to Miss's place and I got to see her puppy!!! Oh I just want to steal him and keep him. He is so cute and little, made my day. :)
From there they were going to dinner so I went to Ariel's house for a party that totally was so much fun. I got there and Jenny and Amanda was there. Bj and Mike and Cory showed up a bit later. I was a bit wary with Amanda being there but I actually had a way good time. It was nice to talk about good times we had. Other than I think her neighbors will permanently hate us lol It was a lot of fun. Plus I made it home safe and sound and got to put Dave to bed. So a good end to a good day.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
First hockey game!
Dave and I went on a date night tonight. Misty and Russ invited us to go to the Grizzly's game. We'd been thinking that we needed to go do more things together so this was a perfect opportunity. We invited Cooper and Scarlett, who were more than happy to come. I guess Cooper is just as much a hockey fanatic as Misty is.
So Dave and I started the night off eating dinner at TGI Fridays. It was wonderful.
Cooper got us Center seats and Misty and Russ showed up a bit late, they had been picking up their new baby pug. :)
The game was so violent! We had 2 fights, where they had to be placed in the penalty box and the one guy from Stockton got screamed at by the referee.
We sat behind this kid that I swear had the worst attitude ever! He was growling at us and rude and mean... Dave felt bad for the kid's dad.
Misty is friends with the lady that helps train the team, so she got her jersey signed by the team and got it today. That mean little kid shut up instantly when he saw it then threw a fit when his dad told him he couldn't have one.
I've never been a big sports person, but I have a feeling I'm going to become one. I almost bought a hoodie with the Grizzly's logo on it, but decided I really didn't need a new hoodie right now.
Then we ended the night going to Wal-mart to get groceries and then home to eat a snack of cheddar little weinies with BBQ sauce.... hmmmm yum.
I'd say it was a down right fantastic day.
So Dave and I started the night off eating dinner at TGI Fridays. It was wonderful.
Cooper got us Center seats and Misty and Russ showed up a bit late, they had been picking up their new baby pug. :)
The game was so violent! We had 2 fights, where they had to be placed in the penalty box and the one guy from Stockton got screamed at by the referee.
We sat behind this kid that I swear had the worst attitude ever! He was growling at us and rude and mean... Dave felt bad for the kid's dad.
Misty is friends with the lady that helps train the team, so she got her jersey signed by the team and got it today. That mean little kid shut up instantly when he saw it then threw a fit when his dad told him he couldn't have one.
I've never been a big sports person, but I have a feeling I'm going to become one. I almost bought a hoodie with the Grizzly's logo on it, but decided I really didn't need a new hoodie right now.
Then we ended the night going to Wal-mart to get groceries and then home to eat a snack of cheddar little weinies with BBQ sauce.... hmmmm yum.
I'd say it was a down right fantastic day.
Gabby's 8th Birthday
Gabby is one spoiled little girl. She got at least 3 parties this year. First we were going to just do cake and ice cream at our house for Dad's family party on the 6th, but mom decided to take them to a family party at her Grandma's house. SO..... since that was my only oportunity to see her I took what I could and we had her open some of her presents then so that I could be there. She wore her new pink horse shirt and I pulled her hair back in a braid complete with a pink headband and pink hair tie. Then we painted her nails metallic pink so that she was pretty to go to her party.
The kids were a little upset that Dad and I wouldn't be there. They still are trying to adjust to having the 2 seperate homes. So we again had to have a talk about how they have a party with Mom and mom's family and a party with Dad and Heather and their families. That's a hard talk to have.
On her actual birthday her Mom went and took her to Chucky cheese to play for a bit then brought the kids over to our house. I got to work since it was a weekday so I didn't get to be there, but Dave's mom came by with Aspen and they opened presents and had Chocolate cake and ice cream. Dave did a good job taking pictures considering he's not a picture taking kinda person. I was glad I got the pictures at least.
My friend Trish, bless her heart, got Gabby a present and Gabby loved it! Even though I'm still struggling with the ex I can be grateful that at least the kids lives have improved greatly. We see them on a regular basis and we're able to give them these birthdays and holidays that they otherwise wouldn't get to have. That makes it worth it at least.
The kids were a little upset that Dad and I wouldn't be there. They still are trying to adjust to having the 2 seperate homes. So we again had to have a talk about how they have a party with Mom and mom's family and a party with Dad and Heather and their families. That's a hard talk to have.
On her actual birthday her Mom went and took her to Chucky cheese to play for a bit then brought the kids over to our house. I got to work since it was a weekday so I didn't get to be there, but Dave's mom came by with Aspen and they opened presents and had Chocolate cake and ice cream. Dave did a good job taking pictures considering he's not a picture taking kinda person. I was glad I got the pictures at least.
This was her favorite.
Gandma and Grandpa gave her a lot of horse books
My friend Trish, bless her heart, got Gabby a present and Gabby loved it! Even though I'm still struggling with the ex I can be grateful that at least the kids lives have improved greatly. We see them on a regular basis and we're able to give them these birthdays and holidays that they otherwise wouldn't get to have. That makes it worth it at least.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
February... a Month for new beginnings
So one of my goals this year is to really get into the study of Wicca, so when is a better time to start than the festival of Imbolc! This is a festival for new beginnings. There have been a lot of weddings and pregnancies announced lately and though Dave and I are not announcing anything I still wanted to have my own beginning. So with these new changes I hope that we will all see a happier, healthier, and much more less stressful and peaceful Heather.
The one thing that is going to be hard for me that I'm not sure how I'll do it is I'm going to try and forgive my step-dad. He is honestly the most negative asshole I have ever met. Trying to make it work these past 6 years has not worked and its not been easy either. In fact the other day I was told how much of a freak I am and how messed up I am. Well I'm done. I'm done keeping quiet, I'm done trying. Nothing I will ever do will change that because he is to stubborn to change. He created the lies and he will have to live with them. The family knows that he is lying and I know. My struggle is going to try and forgive him for all of that. It will never be ok between us, but if I can forgive him then that will at least be one less stress on my conscious.
I do need to get up and work out BEFORE work. I've been coming home from work and actually sleeping. So I need to work out before I go in and that way it helps wake me up too! I also need to start eating better. Yogurts, whole grains, salads, that kinda stuff. That will help me feel better too.
I also need to start thinking more of what I am thankful for. With so much negativity around I do need to be more thankful for the wonderful life that I have with Dave.
I'm going to try and have more girl time and keep my friends close. I have 2 wonderful girls in my life that I will hopefully get closer to in the next months to add to my small circle. I need to start reaching out to the girls I have as well. I know that'll mean getting up early but honestly I just might need that. Go to bed at a decent hour. Let puppy out so she can run and be free and enjoy herself, clean up the back yard.... something... Sounds good actually. Plus it'll be good for when the kids are over.
Well here goes. I'm going to try it. See what comes of it. I need some peace and happiness and I need to feel better about myself. Its about damn time.
The one thing that is going to be hard for me that I'm not sure how I'll do it is I'm going to try and forgive my step-dad. He is honestly the most negative asshole I have ever met. Trying to make it work these past 6 years has not worked and its not been easy either. In fact the other day I was told how much of a freak I am and how messed up I am. Well I'm done. I'm done keeping quiet, I'm done trying. Nothing I will ever do will change that because he is to stubborn to change. He created the lies and he will have to live with them. The family knows that he is lying and I know. My struggle is going to try and forgive him for all of that. It will never be ok between us, but if I can forgive him then that will at least be one less stress on my conscious.
I do need to get up and work out BEFORE work. I've been coming home from work and actually sleeping. So I need to work out before I go in and that way it helps wake me up too! I also need to start eating better. Yogurts, whole grains, salads, that kinda stuff. That will help me feel better too.
I also need to start thinking more of what I am thankful for. With so much negativity around I do need to be more thankful for the wonderful life that I have with Dave.
I'm going to try and have more girl time and keep my friends close. I have 2 wonderful girls in my life that I will hopefully get closer to in the next months to add to my small circle. I need to start reaching out to the girls I have as well. I know that'll mean getting up early but honestly I just might need that. Go to bed at a decent hour. Let puppy out so she can run and be free and enjoy herself, clean up the back yard.... something... Sounds good actually. Plus it'll be good for when the kids are over.
Well here goes. I'm going to try it. See what comes of it. I need some peace and happiness and I need to feel better about myself. Its about damn time.
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